Happy 3rd, Mama's Mans

Mama's Mans,

I think the person who came up with the term "terrible twos" must have been a Mama like me. She must have not been able to rock her growing-more-independent-by-the-day, yet still baby faced boy to sleep. She must have hid in the aisles at Kohls and secretly cried when she witnessed another Mama rushing a potty training toddler to the bathroom and for the first time in her life, she was envious that her shopping trip would be uninterrupted. She must have walked through toy aisles and longed to say "maybe for your birthday" as her toddler excitedly asked her for every single toy on the shelf. She went out to dinner & didn't have a pile of food under the table that she felt obligated to clean up before leaving. She didn't watch the same movie multiple times in a row all year long. No one was found with baby powder or lotion or a sharpie disaster.

She must have felt the sting of two the same way I did. Silence & empty arms...there's nothing that could be more terrible than that.

But without the pain, I couldn't have experienced the love. I hope you have witnessed the amazing people who have been there when your two year old self couldn't be.

I hope you are able to tell God all about the kindness that people have shown your Mama and I pray that if I'm not able to repay them, that God would surely bless them.

Whether they've listened to me cry on a random Tuesday during my lunch, met me at the cemetery just to sit in silence, hugged me on top of a mountain, helped me find the right people to thank for responding to your call, gently carried the totes of your belongings while we moved, sent me an encouraging message to let me know they haven't forgotten you, or have just given me the opportunity to say your name....these people have carried me through. Some family, some friends, and some strangers.

And today, they will help me celebrate you turning three. And while they hold me up on a day that I would have otherwise felt like giving in to the sadness, I pray you are able to feel even the tiniest bit of love that they've filled my heart with when my arms were empty.

Two wasn't so terrible when God has given me so many other people who love me in your absence.

I'm three years closer to celebrating with you. But sweet, sweet boy...I'll never stop celebrating without you.

Happiest 3rd Birthday, Isaiah.

I love you to Heaven & back.

Love, Mama