It's been a little over 2 years since I first braced myself for the week that I would spend in Guatemala.
I looked out the tiny airplane window at the spacious unfamiliar land I was about to step foot on. Brown, rocky, dry, barren. I thought of my measly suitcase somewhere beneath the plane. I had stuffed it full of essentials for babies...bibs, blankets, clothes..I could barely carry it to the baggage counter, yet once I saw that vast, poverty stricken world around me, I thought "this isn't enough. How can I possibly make a difference?" Visions of the faces I would meet, the malnourished babies close to death filled my mind and I quickly snapped back into rescue mode. "If not me, then who?"
But as my naïve first world eyes peered around the rickety villages strewn together with ropes and cardboard, I continued to shrink. Everywhere I went, the problems were bigger than what we could offer.
Even if we scrubbed a thousand cracked and blistering feet before putting on a thousand new shoes, the sense of accomplishment was fleeting as I looked out the window on our drive back to Hope of Life and saw other villages with barefoot babies running along the road.
Even after watching children abandon the task of sifting through a burning pile of garbage to run to us for a hot meal, I saw the food disappear from their plates one by one and realized their hunger would return by tomorrow.
Even after filling the containers, dirty containers held by shaking outstretched arms...I felt tears struggling to escape as our eyes met and even the largest language barrier couldn't stop us from communicating. We didn't need to speak, our eyes said it all. One of us saying "I'm doing all I can" while the others brown stares with a sense of urgency pleaded, "Please let there be enough for me". I knew that could only last them a day in the scorching Central American heat before their frail bodies would signal that they are indeed dying of thirst.
I go back in less than a month. I have the chance to once again feel so small in a big destitute world where my meek attempts at making a difference in their hunger & thirst & malnourished bodies will only last them so long.
I recently spoke to a friend, who lovingly poked and prodded at my passion for these people.
"You're only one person, you can't change the world. You going over there and risking your health and life, it won't change anything."
I started to get angry, understanding that I'm too small to eradicate 3rd world hunger and disease...but my annoyance dissipated when I remembered that my God is not.
He.is.bigger.
And while I may not be able to stamp out poverty, I CAN change lives.
How?
Because I carried a tiny 4 pound boy down a mountain, I held his bony body, screaming with all of the fight he had left, while his mother's hopeful eyes searched me for answers. "Will he be okay, can you save him?" And I remembered that look. The one I had when I locked eyes with a first responder who stormed in my bedroom in the middle of the night. He frantically worked on my son's lifeless body while I searched his face for hope. "Please, do something. Please, save him."
If just one mother doesn't have to know what it's like to face the long quiet nights with empty arms, if just one mama doesn't curl up in a ball and listen to the groans escaping her body while the flood of grief takes over, if just one mom doesn't know the feeling of trying to crawl into an infant sized casket refusing to let go of her child's cold, hard, rubber like body...then I have changed the world. I've changed her world.
You don't owe me anything. You don't owe anything to the people of Guatemala. I realize there are many people with needs in many corners of the world. I realize that you yourself may be struggling to get by, and that it seems like you are too small to make a difference in anyone else's life when you can barely survive on your own.
But, here I sit, my eyes searching your face for hope. "Will you help us?"
The last installment of my trip is actually past due, & any amount will help make a difference. I'll be updating (as the Guatemalan WiFi allows) with exactly what your dollars have done. I promise you, from one small person to another, you will change their world.
Also, if you'd like to send tangible goods, I am starting to collect items to fit inside my 50 pound suitcase. I'll be posting more details as to what exactly I am asked to bring. I will be working with doctors and nurses, setting up clinics in remote villages in order to offer health care to those who don't have the opportunity to see a doctor.
I am so thankful in advance for each and every person who finds it in them to donate money, supplies, or keep us in your prayers.
I'm most thankful for my son Isaiah, whose body left this earth over 3 years ago, yet still makes an impact on my life and the lives of others every single day. May God continue to use his short life & my ever aching heart to accomplish big things in this world. ♡
I love you Mama's Mans. This side of Heaven will forever be changed because you lived.
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